


Oh, Captain.

by MisanthropyMuse



Category: Doctor Who, Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: Actually not so much implied, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Drinking, Implied Sexual Content, M/M, Night off for the Enterprise crew, Slice of Life, i guess
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-08-27
Updated: 2013-08-27
Packaged: 2017-12-24 20:05:19
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,455
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/944090
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MisanthropyMuse/pseuds/MisanthropyMuse
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The Enterprise stops near a very, very little planet occupied only by hotels and bars.<br/>He finds a little Irish pub in which he can enjoy a beer (or maybe more than one) and meet some interesting people.</p>
<p>"They keep talking and drinking and Jack smiles and blinks really too much and it doesn't take long for Jim to decide that Jack's handsome enough for making him not care about his gender. <br/>They both agree that sex is sex, and when Jack places his hand on Jim's thigh he decides that it's too late."</p>
            </blockquote>





	Oh, Captain.

**Author's Note:**

  * For [AnnikaMitch](https://archiveofourown.org/users/AnnikaMitch/gifts).



It's the smallest planet they've seen so far. About 6 miles diameter, made of rock and ice, without the smallest trace of atmosphere.   
There's a recreational area that consists in a few bars, a disco, a casino, a hotel, a bed&breakfast, a per hours motel and a little Irish pub.   
Every building is connected by a web of covered tunnels.   
Inside, there's the same pressure, temperature and composition of the air of Earth.   
On the other hemisphere there's a huge park lot.  
The captain parks his little spacelaunch between a weird ship that looks like a van and a long, slim, smooth and probably very expensive black ship.   
He gets out and stretches his back, inhaling deeply the non-smell of spaceships.   
A couple walks past him, speeding up as they see the big Starfleet logo painted on the flank of his ship.   
He should probably suspect something, but he's too tired and too longing for a drink to care.   
The parking lot it's not full as they thought, so he decides to do something nice for his crew.   
He opens his communicator and pushes the button to talk to the main  
bridge.   
-Spock! Spock can you hear me?- he says.  
-Yes, Captain. Is something wrong? Do you need help?- the first officer asks with no particular intonation.   
-No, everything's ok. Listen, tell the crew they can have the night off. At least those who can. We don't have that many launches. You choose who.- Jim orders.   
-Captain, I'm not sure this is a good idea. We should...- Spock begins, but Jim cuts him off.  
-Shut up, Spock. We can't spend five years locked up there. You and Bones have to come down, understood?- he says.  
-But...- the half Vulcan tries again.  
-That's an order, first officer! Oh and no civilians on the Enterprise!- Jim barks, out of patience.   
-I'll wait for you inside.- he says, and then cuts off the communication.   
All smiling and content, he closes the ship, secures it and then he walks out of the lot.  
In a parking space near the door there's a blue, old police phone box.   
Jim thinks that must be some sort of vintage launch of one of the many bigger ships floating around the little planet.   
Outside the parking lot there's a long tunnel that connects it to the "city".   
At the start of it there's a bike rental, hosted by a little humanoid being.   
-How much is the rent?- Jim asks.   
-Four intergalactic sterling per hour. You pay when you leave. the creature says.   
-Perfect. I'll take one.- Jim smiles.   
The being does something on the computer behind the counter, and a bike comes out of a little door.   
-Thank you.- Kirk says and takes the bike out of the little shop.   
He expected it to float, or at least to move by itself, but it doesn't.   
It's just a regular bike.   
He sighs, sits on it and starts pedalling down the tunnel.   
On the handlebar, next to a little bell, there's a few inches wide touch screen that shows a map of the little city and the price lists of every building.   
He looks at it only when he's on the wide, desert but noisy main street.   
From every bar different kinds of music come and resound in the road.   
Street lamps reflects on the tall glass roof, making seeing the stars almost impossible.   
Jim rides slowly along the street, checking the locals on the screen.   
When he finds the Irish pub his eyes sort of flares with joy.   
He locks the bike in the lots before the entrance and walks in.   
The smell of beer and hamburgers hits him so hard he almost falls.   
The pub is full of humans, like he had imagined. And the unbelievable amount of beautiful ladies makes his head spin.   
He gets to the counter and orders a beer.   
He turns around, looking at the faces, smiling like an idiot, and, sitting at a corner table, he sees a gorgeous redhead girl, all by herself.   
-Make it two!- he says to the bartender, who places two pints of golden liquid on the counter.   
-Twelve IS.- the bartender says.   
Jim pays and takes the glasses, heading straight to the girl.   
-Hey. I saw your glass was empty, so I thought I could help.- he says, placing the beers on the table, in front of the girl.   
-My boyfriend just went buying me a drink, sorry. Take your charity to someone else.- she says.   
-You've got a boyfriend? Well, I'm no jealous.- he insists, drawing his best smile.   
-But he is, so.- she says, not even a bit impressed.   
-At least tell me where are you from. I haven't talked with anyone outside of my crew in ages!- Jim says, sitting down.   
She sighs.   
-Scotland. If it still exists.- she says.   
-You haven't been on Earth for a while, eh?- he asks.   
-If two centuries is a while for you, then yes. Even though I actually left yesterday.- she says, and smiles at the other's confusion.   
-Maybe he'll explain you better than I would.- she adds, pointing at someone who's walking towards them.   
The other man reminds Jim of a baby giraffe, for how tall, slim and clumsy he is.   
Also, he dresses like a grandfather and wears a stupid red bow tie.   
-Hi! Oh, you're in the Starfleet!- the man says as soon as he sees Jim's uniform.   
-Captain James Kirk.- Jim says, standing up before the weird man.   
-I'm the Doctor.- he says and sits down next to the girl.  
They both look at her, in expectance.   
-I'm Amy.- she says with a sigh.   
-And I'm her fiancé, so if you'd leave...- another man says, appearing behind Jim's back.    
-Don't be so rude, Rory. He's a captain!- the weird man says with a wide, enthusiastic smile.   
-Don't worry, I'm leaving.- Jim says, takes his beers and heads back to the counter.   
He's thinking about how weird people are when another weird man approaches him.   
-Hi beauty. You know, I'm a captain too.- he says.   
Jim laughs, looking at the handsome man sitting next to him.   
-Yes, you can take the beer.- he says.   
-How chivalrous. I'm Jack, Jack Harkness, by the way.- the man says, taking a sip from the glass.   
-Jim Kirk. Where are you from?- Jim asks.   
-Let's say Earth, Wales. You're obviously from San Francisco, if you're in the Starfleet. Also you look like one of those Californian handsome hunks.- he says, smiling.   
-Actually I'm from Riverside, Iowa.- Jim smiles.   
He feels flattered, and the beer is starting numbing his senses a bit.   
He takes the last sip and Jack buys him another one.   
They keep talking and drinking and Jack smiles and blinks really too much and it doesn't take long for Jim to decide that Jack's handsome enough for making him not care about his gender.   
They both agree that sex is sex, and when Jack places his hand on Jim's thigh he decides that it's too late.  
-Where's your spaceship?- Jim asks, shamefully a little drunker than he had planned to get, while a sort of warm rush rises from his bowels.   
-I don't have one.- Jack laughs.   
-But I know there are pretty spacious bathrooms in this place.- he adds with a wink.   
-Looks perfect to me.- Jim says, finishes his fourth beer and lets Jack drag him in the toilets. 

The toilets weren't so spacious, but they had worked right for them.   
Sure, moving to the dark, little, artificial wood behind the pub had been a better idea.   
While he was being pushed against a tree, his moans muffled by Jack's mouth, Jim had felt like a teenager, and it had been awesome.   
Now, riding back to the parking lot, followed by Jack, he smiles like an idiot, but he feels like a winner.  
His watch tells him it's almost dawn, even if it doesn't look like it in the eternal night of that planet and he has to get back to the Enterprise.  
He and Jack snog again against the Starfleet logo and none of them is sad of leaving the other, and that's the feeling both of them were looking for.   
-Goodbye, Captain.- Jack says.   
-Goodbye, Captain.- Jim repeats, and they laugh.   
-If we'll ever meet again, it wouldn't suck to repeat tonight.-   
-No, it really wouldn't.- and that's as romantic as it gets.   
There's no awkwardness, no hidden feelings, no useless lies.   
The last kiss, and Jim gets in his ship.   
He waves a hand, beams a smile, and in a few seconds he's flying away.   
Jack smiles, a bit of incredulity painted on his face.  
"Ah" he thinks "I fucked the founder of my planet." 

**Author's Note:**

> To my best friend for her 18 years. To cheer her up a bit.  
> I know this is not what you wanted, but that's what my inspiration gave birth to.  
> I thought you could like it anyways.  
> I love you, Twitch. 
> 
> I know Jack was born in the 51st century, but I thought that the Earth colony could have been founded many, many years before.   
> And I probably should thank Douglas Adams. I'm nothing compare to him, but he inspired this, in his way.


End file.
